I know, I KNOW! I’m the worst.

Hey guys! HEEEEEEEEEEEEYYY GUYZZZZ
We had a good run there for a minute. Remember back when I was posting book reviews on the daily? And y’all would comment and we would have meaningful discussions about the state of literature and also how we can tie almost everything back to Game of Thrones? And I would tweet links to my reviews and I would get up to three (!) retweets? And once Felicia Day liked my review and I thought I had made it? Good times, fam.
So where did we go wrong? I’ll be real, it’s all on me. I done goofed. Don’t blame yourselves.

its-not-your-fault
So a lot of stuff happened over the last few months. I quit my job (and left an awesome goodbye email. Watch this space-I ‘m still proud of it and want to share it with the world), packed up and left Texas, and moved back to Boston (Just in time for football season…sorry Texans fans). I’ve been gone for nearly nine years, so I’m hanging out with my family, trying to get their dog to love me, and having a wonderfully empowering time job-hunting.
vodka-wounds
But for now I’m settled! I unpacked my stuff. I watched some Red Sox with my dad. That ended. Now I guess I’m watching the Cubs with my dad?  I remembered how to use the washing machine. I am ready. to. crush. this.
I am many, many, MANY review behind. Catching up is going to take some time, but I think we can do this. I have a list.

aladdin-list

 

I was originally planning on covering ALL of the books, even the truly mediocre ones- the Whose Who of Who Cares. But then I realized that life is short and I am lazy and did I mention there’s a dog in my life who requires (i.e. kinda tolerates) my constant attention?

So I want to take a minute and apologize to those mediocre books. You weren’t bad…if I hated you, I would totally write about you. Rage reviews give me Hulk strength (example). You just weren’t great. I put you down a lot so I could play Solitaire on my phone or stare into space.

So let’s pour one out to the books I’ve read over the last few months…the Jan Bradys, the Michelles from Destiny’s Child, the Jeb Bushes,  the ones I saw on my list and thought “the shit is that book about?” I’ve provided some music to guide us through this journey.

 

So I’m sorry The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry. I’m sorry Carsick. I’m sorry Doomsday Book. I’m sorry A Thousand Acres (this book actually has a Pulitzer so I guess I’m just a dumdum). I’m sorry The Book of SpeculationThe Restraint of Beasts, Red Sorghum, The Eyre Affair (actually, this one might have been pretty okay, but I literally only remember Jane Eyre showing up to save the day. Spoilers), and The Museum of Extraordinary Things. And I’m sorry Scream: Chilling Adventures in the Science of Fear. You were too good for this world. Stay gold, Ponyboy.

PHEW I feel better!! Now back to business.

 

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